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Ralsina.Me — Roberto Alsina's website

Not Doing That, and That's Fine.

Dur­ing this quar­an­tine, I have had pro­duc­tive pe­ri­ods and pe­ri­ods where I do very lit­tle. I have post­ed many videos, and at times no videos at al­l, same with code on FLOSS project­s.

And that's fine.

We are all go­ing through stuff and it's not by be­ing bound by imag­i­nary du­ties how we are go­ing to go through them. We (o­h, fuck we ... I) ... I am do­ing what I can.

So, do I have ideas about how to, say, explain pyenv which would be useful and make for a fun video? Sure. Do I also feel like sitting down in front of the microphone and recording it would make my brain explode? Also yes.

I have enough re­al com­mit­ments. I have my wife, my son, my job (did I men­tion I was fired twice since Feb­ru­ary 14? I did! That's a new thing!) so oth­er than for work­ing hours why should I both­er do­ing any­thing I don't want to do right then and there?

Is there any bet­ter time to swing your life a lit­tle he­do­nis­tic than when you can't leave your house? When the whole world is slow­ly go­ing to crap? When all economies are sink­ing in­to a de­pres­sion that would make all the oth­er ones you have seen look like speed bump­s?

Well, not my case, I am Ar­gen­tini­an, I have seen worse, and saw them in a much worse per­son­al po­si­tion, but in any case ... no, there is­n't. With­in what one can do, and know­ing that not ev­ery­one can do the same, and re­fus­ing to be crushed by the guilt that caus­es ... I am in "try to have a rea­son­ably good time" mod­e.

There will be time in a few months to pick up the pieces. There will be time to feel bad about de­ci­sion­s. There will be time to make the pyenv video. There will be time to fix what I am break­ing, and lose the pounds I re-­gained.

Or maybe not, af­ter all I have had 1 and a half heart at­tack­s! I am over­weight! But hey, if I die it will not be my prob­lem any­more, ei­ther.

Is this self­-de­struc­tive be­haviour? A bit. It's al­so, I sus­pec­t, self­-p­reser­va­tion in the on­ly ways I can find it. And that con­tra­dic­tion is yet one more rea­son to feel weird.

Let's try to feel weird and not bad.