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Marriage bureaucracy

Rosario and I are pret­ty much non-­be­liev­er­s, so we are get­ting mar­ried on­ly with a civ­il cer­e­mo­ny (which is manda­to­ry any­way).

So, this morn­ing we went to the Reg­istro Civ­il to ar­range the ap­point­ment for the wed­ding.

Ev­ery­thing was done pret­ty quick­ly, no fuss, good vibes from the la­dy who's mar­ry­ing us, we were pret­ty hap­py. But one thing called our at­ten­tion.

We had to wait for about 30 min­utes to set the ap­point­ment be­cause we were the third cou­ple.

There were we (dressed... per­haps too ca­su­al­ly. This is just bu­reau­cra­cy and it was ear­ly in the morn­ing ;-)

An­oth­er cou­ple of about 35/40 year-olds dressed very nice­ly, good clothes, nice shoes (we do live in a pret­ty fan­cy neigh­bor­hood).

And the last one were in their twen­ties, good look­ing peo­ple.

Now, the three cou­ples were per­form­ing a nec­es­sary and pret­ty crit­i­cal step in get­ting mar­ried, it's not ro­man­tic at al­l, but af­ter you put your fin­ger­print in the re­quest, you are say­ing that you are re­al­ly go­ing to get mar­ried.

And any­way, we were all ak­ing for dates in the next mon­th, so we were all pret­ty close to get­ting mar­rried.

And you know what, I was there, hold­ing Rosar­i­o's hand, we were talk­ing about how much we want­ed to fi­nal­ly get all this done and be a "le­gal" cou­ple, hug­ging and kiss­ing (noth­ing scan­dalous ;-)... the oth­er two cou­ples hard­ly talked to each oth­er.

The old­er ones, I think the guy on­ly said "this is tak­ing a while" and she an­swered with a nod.

What the hel­l? I was think­ing about start­ing to scream at them you are all go­ing to be ex­treme­ly un­hap­py!!! do not get mar­ried if you don't like each oth­er!!!*

Then again, per­haps they had made the wrong line and were wait­ing for death cer­tifi­cates?

I mean, why the heck were they get­ting mar­ried?

Ted Lemon / 2006-04-04 13:16:

That's a puzzling perspective. My wife and I have been together for five years, and our fourth wedding anniversary is coming up. I think that as married couples go, we are exceptionally happy - we have a lot of fun together, and we both express our affection toward each other very freely.

But the fact is that we know each other really well. There isn't a lot that we need to say to each other - if we've been exposed to some new idea, we dissect it, and if one of us sees something beautiful, we point it out to the other, but a lot of the time when we're together, we're just enjoying the fact that we're together, and not feeling any real need to say anything.

What worries me is when I see a couple who are arguing constantly, and don't seem to respect each other. To me, that's a danger sign. Shared silence doesn't indicate a lack of love. Check back in a few years and see if your perspective is different. :')

Sam Weber / 2006-04-04 13:16:

Hello, its great that you're getting married!

Just one question... what does "pretty much non-believers" mean? I've just never heard that before...


Roberto Alsina / 2006-04-04 13:17:

Well, "pretty much non-believers" means we are somewhere between agnostics and atheists.

I can't give you details about Rosario's faith (she can post if she wants to), but I would descibe myself as "interested in religion" but not religious.

I like to think about what religion does to people, but I don't have any religion myself. On the other hand, those two parts may be connected ;-)

Or, I could say that "pretty much non-believers" means I don't write as good english as I believe? ;-)

Pupeno / 2006-04-04 13:17:

When I married Sandra what really puzzled me is that we had to do a medical examination. Among the different tests, they extraced blood from us to search for deceases but they DIDN'T test for AIDS. They tested for lot's of other deceases that you hardly know (except by documentaries of other ages or places) and they DIDN'T search for AIDS, I can believe it.

Mathieu Chouinard / 2006-04-04 13:18:

The comment is as bad as the one I

got from, now my ex-mother in law, "This wedding

will last less than a year" ... Just to get her pissed it lasted 5 ;)

Juan Ignacio Pumarino / 2006-04-04 13:19:

Creo que no es sano juzgar apresuradamente a la gente. Una relación de pareja, por cierto, es algo tan íntimo que muchas veces erramos en nuestras apreciaciones (a veces en otro sentido, como cuando nos sorprende una separación).

Mi novia y yo nos casaremos en el registro civil en octubre y para nosotros no significa más que un contrato y dos firmas: un trámite como obtener pasaporte. Lo que realmente nos interesa y nos emocionará como a ustedes será la ceremonia religiosa y la fiesta con nuestras familias y amigos una semana después.

Resumiendo, tú no sabes si para las otras parejas fue un mal día, no les interesaba mayormente esta parte del matrimonio o bien estaban muy emocionados, pero lo demostraban de una una manera distinta a la tuya.

Suerte con el matrimonio, ¡saludos!

Aaron Krill / 2006-04-04 13:20:

I congratulate you on being a calm and loose couple. I bet you the other two weren't nearly as calm as the two of you, and were in fact very uncomfortable, for a variety of reasons.

A. Legalities often cause a great deal of stress and confusion on people.

B. Such a big moment in one's life is bound to cause one to worry, or to at least be a little preoccupied with ones' own thoughts.

C. There are other people around. Not "just a few", but not "a lot." Kind of that in between where you know everyone is going to hear everybody elses' conversation. This can be very unnerving.

You can't really judge a couple by how they act in public on the day they will be getting married (or in this case, setting a final date for said event). They are probably all very nervous. The fact that you two were able to go there casually and treat the whole matter as a formality means you two have already worked out the complexities of a married relationship, something many many couples don't do until after their first year of marriage. Basically, in your heads, you're already married. The other couples don't quite feel the same way.

This isn't because they don't like eachother, they're just less able to "go with the flow."

Its 06h00 and I haven't slept a wink. So I'm sorry if I ramble and make no sense.

Roberto Alsina / 2006-04-04 13:20:

Pupeno: it's illegal to test for aids unless you request it, to avoid discrimination. If you want to be tested for aids, you can get a free test in any public hospital.

Dave / 2006-04-04 15:46:

You know, I have to agree with the last guy. My wife and I did the same thing you did, but we were in a hurry. It's a long story, but when you're 21, standing in line with a 15-year old, her dad on one side to witness and sign consent, your older sister on the other side to witness, the chances that a display of affection are going to happen are very slim.

Suffice it to say, we were very nervous.

Add to it all the typical anxieties, like "is this the right decision?" "Does she really love me?" And this is stuff that being affectionate doesn't answer. The worst it can do is cover up underlying difficulties that could ruin a marriage.

We're celebrating 10 years together this month. The anxieties are gone, the kids are great.

2 days before we stood in this line we were the appearance of a happy couple (and were a happy couple). 2 days after we got married, same thing. You couldn't separate us with a bulldozer. But that week in the middle was another story entirely. I can't imagine what a long engagement looks like, it doesn't surprise me that many marriages fail during the long engagement.

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