'Thinner,' the old Gypsy man with the rotting nose whispers...

—Richard Bachman (Stephen King)

I was not always fat. I used to be really, really thin. So thin that when I was 16, my motherforced me to eat. I was 1.75 and weighted about 65 kilos when I finished highschool. So thin I used M sized shirts until I was 25.

That has, as those who know me can agree with, changed quite a bit. I broke the 100kg bareer 10 years ago or so, and reached 123.5Kg earlier this week. Also, I am not 3.5 meters tall, so I am close to having doubled my weight and body mass in these 25 years.

That is not a good thing. It's such a bad thing, that my doctor has explained to me that if I don't lose a lot of weight soonish, I am going to fucking go and die. Not next week, not next year, but not in 40 years either.

Since my weight started going up while I was in college and my dad was sick, I always blamed some anxiety problem, eating crap, a sedentary lifestyle, the usual suspects.

So, I got some tests done. Turns out I was more or less right. The "more" is because I do have to stop eating crap, and I need to exercise more. The "less" is because I have (among other things) hyperinsulinemia. Wanna guess what are the most visible symptom of that?

  • High blood pressure (on medication since 5 years ago)
  • Increased VLDL (diagnosed 2 years ago)
  • Lethargy (fuck yes)
  • Weight gain (double fuck yes)

And what does weight gain of this kind do to you? A lot of other bad things.

Since tuesday I am on a very specific diet, and taking a drug to reduce my insulin production (Metformin). I am feeling active, and have lost 3 kilos in 4 days (yes, I know that is not a sustainable rate and will plateau).

My feet stopped swelling.

I am not hungry all day.

I am walking 30 minutes, twice a day.

I want to code.

I feel good. I have felt better, when I started taking BP meds, I have felt worse when my liver function decreased, I have felt very bad, when my BP spiked, but good? I have not felt good in a very, very long time.

This may not be the drug or the diet. Maybe it's placebo effect. Maybe it's something else. On the other hand, I have decided that my life is too sweet to drop dead right now. So, let's see how this goes.


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