---
author: ''
category: ''
date: 2012/05/17 22:17
description: ''
link: ''
priority: ''
slug: giving-up-is-a-good-idea-sometimes
tags: ''
title: Giving Up is a Good Idea Sometimes
type: text
updated: 2012/05/17 22:17
url_type: ''
---
Just saw a post in Google+ today by Amanda Blain, where she shows
a picture of a book saying this:

   Never give up on anybody. Miracles happen every day.

   -- Someone

Of course, no, they don't happen every day. They hardly ever happen or
never happen, depending on how you define miracle. Things that happen
every day are not miracles, they are common. It's cheapening the word.

I did reply, though:

.. figure:: https://p.twimg.com/AtHpxAVCAAIfFDs.png:small
   :target: https://p.twimg.com/AtHpxAVCAAIfFDs.png:large

..

   If god is almighty, pray for the convergence of the -1^n series, and
   see how it works. There is no god but math.

   -- Me

Which is quite a troll, even for my standards, but hard to argue with, I
expect. This post is a more serious response to that original quote. And
my response is, sometimes, you need to give up. Further, sometimes, not
giving up is stupid, painful, dangerous and selfish.

Stupid
  People don't really change all that much. They do it very slowly, when they do.
  And you are not (usually) the other person's guardian. There comes a point in
  people's lifes where helping them hurts them. Or worse, hurts the one helping.

  Consider an abusive partner. Why should you not give up? Why allow him/her to
  hurt you further, in hope for a future change? That is just stupid and...

Painful
  Because you are being hurt, either in body or in mind. And being hurt is, of
  course, bad. So why enable it? Why allow someone to cause you pain, just for
  his own sake? What are you *telling* that person? That you feel good about
  helping those who hurt you? That is...

Dangerous
  Because he may believe you. You are teaching that person that you feel good
  helping those who hurt you, and that makes you a better person, so he may
  just try to help you be *much* better by hurting you further. And really,
  if that's how you feel, you are being ...

Selfish
  Because helping someone just to feel self-righteous and pious and good is
  a scam. Help because you make *the other* feel good, not because it feels
  good for you. I see people trapped in abusive relationships, almost
  screaming "See how good I am! See the pain I take for love!" which is
  both selfish and insane.

So, give up. Because the path of the righteous man is beset on all sides 
by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is 
he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through 
the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the 
finder of lost children. But enough is enough. And stupid is bad.